I don't know why God make such plan where we often bump to each other these days. I don't know what are His plans. I don't know what is He planning for me. 

But here it is. The more often I see you, the more in love I am with you. Every time when I see you, I will tend to walk away & ignore you. Not because I want your attention or whatsoever. But because I couldn't stop myself from looking at you & start having butterflies & the very horrible heart beat starts beating in me if you come near me. And for the billion times, I am in love with you, again. And I will remember the fact that you are no longer mine. I am no longer yours. You are hers. You love her. 

That painful thoughts that could just make me burst into tears in front of everyone. 

But you don't understand. I wanted to be your friend. But I know it can never happen. Not because I don't want to but because I couldn't. After being through so so much, I can't pretend nothing has ever happened & assume you're a new friend or something. No. You can't imagine my pain simply because you don't feel the same towards me. Simply because I love you more. Simply because I mean nothing to you & losing me is completely okay to you. But not me. You meant everything to me in the past & you still do now. 

I have so many people around telling me to move on for almost two years. I met Booma & thought I loved him but it was just a crush. Then go back to my single life unable to go on with other people because I still love you. Because I couldn't move on. Because I couldn't get over you.

I always always always tell myself how lucky of her to have you & how ungrateful I was for not appreciate what God has given to me in the past. I know things happen for reason. I know there are good sides that we broke up. But.. *sigh I still love you even though it has been year plus. 

I admit I wanted to be with you. I admit I long to be with you. I admit that I'm still waiting for you. But I know you're the faithful kind of guy so for sure you two won't split up or something. So I'm hoping for the best for you even if it hurts to see you be with her. If only you could clone yourself.. LOL 

I hate how I started to be so emotional after seeing you every time. You never leave this mind. You never leave my heart & I hope you never let her go. Because losing a guy like you is really a loss.

Oh well. 

What can I say? Since God made all these this way. Who am I to stop Him? Who am I to say no to His plans? Who am I to order Him? But I know I will get all the things I want if I ask. I will find if I seek & the door will be open for me if I knock. He will give me everything that I want & He already knows even before I ask. 

So, all the best for you KR. I hope someday my heart is open & strong enough to see you, talk to you & be your friends. 

Melizsa